Note to Self

I wish I did not have to stay
On this cold battlefield today
My weapons now are all but gone
And I don't want to carry on
To fight the same old things again
How many more times can I bend
Before I break, before I learn
That though I said I won't return
I see the precipice in sight,
Familiar choices, fall or flight,
Its easier to just give in
Turn down the voices, let them win

I wish I had the strength to say
I will not listen, not today,
But sometimes they just seem so strong
Its been so very, very long
I don't remember feeling well,
I can't get up from where I fell,
Exhausted, I've forgotten why
Recovery is worth a try
Should ask for help
Pick up the phone
Before I choose to fall,

And so I choose to find a way
For one more hour, one more day
I write to counteract the lies
A note to self to stay alive,
And hold on to my newest dreams,
Of all our happy plans and schemes
Alone? No longer really true,
And though I don't know how to do
The next five minutes, I will try
Because one day the tears I cry
Will be of joy and not of pain
And I will want to fly again.